Darkness. I am in a total darkness. Darkness that makes me feel unsafe. Mom, why am I here? Did I even deserve to be locked out here in very dark place? I can’t see you, Mom. I can’t see Dad. I can’t see anything. I want to see you so bad Mom and Dad. So badly that I even forced my eyes to open on my own because nobody dared to help me when I seek for it. But when I finally opened my eyes, all I can see is darkness. Am I blind? Or you just don’t want to let me see your faces? Tell me!
Silence. I am in peace. A peace that frightens me! I can’t hear a thing! Mom, why am I here? Did I even deserve to be locked out here in this place where silence is frightening? I can’t hear you, Mom. I can’t hear Dad. I can’t hear anything. I want to hear your voices so bad Mom and Dad. So badly that I tried to concentrate on my own because nobody dared to help me when I seek for it. But when I finally concentrated to let my ears hear, all I can hear is silence. Am I deaf? Or you just don’t want to let me hear your voices? Tell me!
I tried to talk. But I can’t. Am I mute? Can’t you hear me Mom? Can’t you hear me Dad? I practiced talking but I really can’t. What shall I do so that you can hear my thoughts? I already don’t know what to do. I started to think that you left me here in this place ,supplying my physiological needs but not letting me see and hear you. You know that I am not able to talk and complain about my situation. But no! I won’t believe it! Maybe there’s just a wall. A wall that separates me to you. That is why I screamed! “Mom! Dad!”. Still, no words. I punched. I kicked. But nothing happened.
I am now hopeless. I am now exhausted and hurt. Yes, I felt pain in in my chest. Suddenly I felt that my eyes produced some liquid. Still, I continued screaming, punching and kicking. I continued trying to fight the walls that separates me to you. I hope that I can make even a small crack to that wall so that I can really break it. I gathered all my strength. I will end this fight in one last blow. It will be my last kick. “One…Two…Thr…” Before I force my final blow, I felt something warm and it make me feel good. It made me feel calm. It made me fell real peace as if I am in haven. With the darkness and silence here, I know you are with me and I am safe. Yes Dad, yes Mom, I can feel it. It is love. Thank you for letting me feel that LOVE.
Mom and Dad, see you soon. I love you, too.